Becoming emotionally resilient in all of our relationships (including and especially those with our mothers), means many of us have to relearn what we were taught about emotions.
The tricky part is that this goes waaaay back into our subconscious.
Things we were taught very early on in our lives, when we were sponging up everything about how the world operates.
Think of how toddlers naturally embrace the fullness of every emtion in the moment that they feel it...with no judgment of good or bad.
Even in the middle of the aisle at Target.
They use their full body to let you know when they are excited, joyful, angry, and sad.
When you were a toddler some of these emotions were likely celebrated and encouraged to be felt fully, while others were shushed, ignored, dismissed, or encouraged to be changed or shut down as quickly as possible.
We internalized the message that some emotions were "good" and okay to express and others were "bad" and should be stuffed down (and numbed through food, alcohol, shopping, scrolling, etc.)
Even a hug and innocuous, "You're okay, you're fine, it's not so bad."
It is soothing, but also didn't allow us to fully lean into the emotion and let our bodies work through the process of sitting with the emotion and fully processing it.
Noticing, accepting, and feeling all of the feelings, without judgement, is where the healing happens.
This is how we become emotionally accountable.
And becoming emotionally accountable is helpful when it comes to setting necessary boundaries.